Friday, 24 January 2014

Under Control

I cannot seem to put a finger on this. 
To recognize my own shortfall, to realize and more interestingly, admit my own incompetency, 
that is something else altogether. 
This is especially hard, if I were egotistical, narcissistic, a prideful and chauvinistic male. 

I realize the difficulty to honey-coat my words. I am often a harsh critic of many things, but unsurprisingly and infrequently of my own shortcomings. 

I cannot put a finger on this, on exactly what is going wayward. 
It is obviously easier to identify something outside of oneself. How about within one's own domain. Within my own domain, I can easily maintain control. But what exactly is seeping out? The control over myself, or the control itself? 

Take dietary habits for one (word:diet raises far too many eyebrows in these non-fat days). 
How far is too far? While I put myself through a clean stringent eating habit, that control will inevitably alter the preferences of where we end up patronizing. 

A salad bar as opposed to fast food chains. Simple enough. 

So where do I find my guts? 

When I cave, do I cave because I care for the other's preference, or do I cave because I slip up? 
To have the courage to do what's right, to say what's right. 
It's not unheard of, only that it is unpleasant to hear. 
I heard that's what the Truth sounds like. 

Decision making aside, tracing back from the gut, up to the oesophagus and then to the brain, does the self control really apply to myself? It is no longer much of a self-control if it forces the other half to be under control. 
It's dual-control, other-control, macro-control. 

And when in control, the one wielding the power and exerting the authority has the power.
Power often misleads and is easily confused with the Truth. 
Truth is spoken by those who holds the Rod.

If so, I relinquish the power. 
I resist against the control.

I put the 'control' under control. The resistance against the resistance itself. 
Now, I am only human.