This is nothing more then a review of what has became.
I have never given this a good thought, but what really draws me to one person; the thought of being in close proximity with one individual and across an extended period of time.
A timely article I bumped into while browsing through the Sunday Time led me to this interesting phrase – ‘short-distance’ relationship.
As a modern kid in a modern age, I am no stranger to the acronym of LDR.
SDR comes along as opposed to LDR. There are countless examples during this highly connected era that sees couples being separated by physical distance as they go on exchanges and work trips.
I have never been an advocate of LDR. I cannot be kept apart from the other. The fabric of the relationship will be stretched beyond measure, the dynamics warped to adapt accordingly. Skype and Viber becomes the most used apps(instead of application, savvy eh) on the devices and sleep is put to a halt while one accommodates to the other’s conscious hours.
Minus all of that, the torrential amount of loneliness flows out in the form of tears while we tackle the daily obstacles without the physical presence of the other; the shoulder(familiar) to cry on, the embrace(familiar) to hold onto.
This is not a didactic doctrine where I hope to amass support for SDR, but a mere subjective preference that I truly think has as much cons as LDR. Putting the pros aside for a moment, the logical extension of being in constant proximity is the amount of friction that one can expect.
Quoting a peer: ‘SDR is akin to a litmus test for the real deal, the wedded life’.
Living under one roof prompts so much interaction, and unless it is a mansion we are talking about, much physical space has to be shared inevitably.
It is almost impossible NOT to interact. It could be because of a minor tiff that led to a war of silence. This silence is still within the bounds of logic and I can definitely tolerate. But the ‘other’ silence is hard to fathom.
For convenience sake, let’s call it the mythical silence. In this closed setting, can any other forms of silence be experienced without either one of the couple feeling odd?
Initially, this mythical silence will inadvertently nudge me to think ‘could something be amiss?’ or ‘did I do something wrong?’ or ‘it must be me dammit’.
As witnessed from the thought process, I have the habit of taking things a little hard on myself. Isn’t it simply easier to put everything on my shoulders?
If it is myself to blame, then it is me who has to change. If the problem lies with me, then I can change it! I can evoke the change with my own volition. It is always trickier ( and perhaps unfair ) to demand the other to adapt, though whether it is for the better is another story.
Before I leap off the edge of digression, if I am the source of the strange silence, then I can stop it by engaging the lass with endless rambles. That I can do. But really, is it necessary? There are a million ways to go about thinking this, of which I have gone through about 99.9% of it.
I cannot determine if it’s a blessing or curse to always have the tendency of overthinking. A thoughtful boyfriend, this I am, literally. But an overbearing one? Now that’s worth a second thought. Am I overbearing? –hmmm- wait am I really overbearing? What did I do to make me seem that way?
All these for just a moment of silence between the missus and I goes to prove my abovementioned point.
SDR has just as much of a toll on the relationship as the LDR, albeit of a different nature. Even so, I pick SDR over its counterpart any day.
Continuing on the warped idea of the mythical silence, I became more adept at handling it with time. Soon enough, this queer silence became something of the past, or maybe it didn’t pass. It merely became a vernacular ‘wall’, a feature which we simply choose not to regard as imposing on us.
Not disregard because that will just be rude but that it simply got sidelined into a commonplace figure.
Then I started thinking about how our fore-parents have managed their own relationship such that their union remains as I speak.
Maybe the seal of a ring is so powerful that it binds two into one in the most tangible and permanent manner. It could also be the legal certification that glues two together. Or it could be the legal complications should otherwise happen; custody battles, alimonies and shit.
Casting the pessimism aside, the physical proximity only means no escape for either party should shit really hit the ceiling. Borrowing the veil of silence simply cannot do.
So, the con of the SDR ultimately culminates into a practical and positive force; that I may have the courage to absolve either of us from the blame of being the firestarter. Like how we often hear in movie plots of revenge saying ‘turn your fury into strength’, I believe that this friction is only a source of growth.
Friction is the source of growth for all natural(majestic) landforms. With friction comes your Mount Everest and Grand Canyons. Since we humans are things of nature, it is only logical that the law of nature applies to us; that friction between two parties will only encourage growth. Brief disclaimer by Chris Martin: nobody said it would be easy.
This is merely one of the many other examples that I experienced during our brief stint in the US. Though I risk divulging too much information, I honestly do not see why it needs to be clandestine.
If anything, the summer trip in US should be heralded as a preview of wedded life. It has offered her useful insights on many sides of me that she never knew. Hell, those were sides of me I never knew of myself.
While most of this trip was planned beforehand, there were many other eventful occasions that happened fortuitously. I am never a big fan of living life according to a checklist so I kinda revel in the fact that many beautiful things happened spontaneously for us.
I for one am worried that my habits will scare the lady off but since she is still hanging around, I guess I am not as disgusting as I thought. Then again, she might have superhuman tenacity. Whatever it is..
Thank you for being by my flanks.
p.s: to the only coloured addition in my monochromatic world.